The Gum. Respect It.

I’m one of those people that is really anal about carrying gum with them.

I like the sense of security that gum gives me. It’s there if I need to freshen my breath, it’s there. If I have a bad taste in my mouth, it’s there. If I need an oral fixation, it’s there. If I have a heavy night of partying and crash at a “friends” and need to fix that nasty cat mouth in the morning, the gum…..it’s there.

I like specific types of gum and I’m choosey about which brands I like. But the gum I’m into these days are Trident Splash with the mint explosion, or the chocolate mint or even cinnamon (do not put on privates) and bubble gum for fun! This is a science to me. I like what I like and I choose wisely and I always make sure I have back up and multiple flavors. I’m a gum snob if you will.

I know that it’s common ground for people to just randomly ask for YOUR gum and I politely hand it over since I know how important this little gold mine is that originates from a tree. Share the love. It’s all good.

People also often get gum envy when you break open the metal cover and crackle the plastic. They usually ask you for a piece before it even hits your mouth. Again, I politely hand it over but am slightly irritated since I know they don’t NEED it…..they just WANT it.

And then there are those who love gum just as much as I do, but that don’t come well prepared. EVER. It’s these people that get under my skin, or all up in my gum-ness.

I know gum is cheap, and I know I’m not going to go broke by handing it out. But people, it’s a matter of principle. It’s not the money, it’s not the greediness. I don’t expect you to have gum ALL the time like me. But what I do expect is for you to buy it for yourself every once in a while instead of relying on me to hand it over to you whenever you feel like it. It makes me feel like the gum I’ve purchased isn’t respected.

Ya’ll need to respect The Gum.

The Gum provides much pleasure and solves many things like bad breath. You are probably going to eat something with garlic or onion in it or are going to feel nervous and want to chomp on something continuously. So how about this.

Buy yourself some gum.

I do.

And remember.

Respect the gum.