I don't know what it is, or how to explain it, but it almost seems like my life in Mexico almost didn't happen. Like it wasn't really real.
It also seems as if I lost a chunk of time.....the time I was in Mexico.
I swear to god it must be some sort of warped time zone or something where the rest of the world carries on with time normally, but if if you live in Mexico, it pretty much stays the same. Sure you can have experiences, make friends, do all sorts of things but most people I know in Mexico have had the same job they had when I met them, have the same friends, do the same things, have the same problems.
My life was like that too. I had the same job, I had the same friends (although I certainly added to the mix), I did the same things (go to the gym, go to work, go to the beach, get drunk, etc. etc.), had the same problems (some got worse than others).
Now that I'm back home, it's like there is a chunk of time missing for me....almost LOST.
I find myself freaking out about time passing too quickly, people that won't be in my life much longer because they are getting old, ME getting old....it being too late to do some of the things I SHOULD have done when I was younger. Feeling like I need to hurry up and do shit before I die.
What the hell is going on? It's so strange. And the people here, my friends and family, when we discuss life or the past, a chunk is missing for them too, so all the stories they have reflect to my time BEFORE Mexico and it's just freakin odd. And I look at them and it's as if so much has happened to them while I was away and yet, I'm where I was when I left off.
I find myself going back to the same state of mind I was in BEFORE I moved to Mexico and find that those memories almost stand out more for me than the memories I have in Mexico.
I can't quite put my finger on it exactly except that I either feel like I'm not really here or that I am but, I hit my head or something and things have rearranged themselves.
Whatever the case, I think I'm the only one around here that feels like this and often when people bring up stories from the past I'm like, did you not realize that was over 10 years ago???
It's strange. It's warped. I can't figure it out . But maybe I should just not worry about it cuz time is ticking away and I may not have all the time I need to get to where I think I should be, even though I am not sure where I should be exactly.
Oh brother.
Jai ho.
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7 years ago
6 comments:
I totally get it. I have felt the same way, even though I wasn't there nearly as long as you. It's almost as if it was a one of those dreams that are so real that you remember them in great detail, but still was just a dream. Maybe time marches on so quickly on this side because day-to-day life's challenges are nothing compared to what you lived through down there... I don't know.
I feel the same, but I am still here. The plus side is when I have grand kids I can tell them I did something more interesting than most people. So would not consider it wasted time. When you start ticking those things off your bucket list, I hope you see that your time here contributed to the great person you are now.
Expat life is strange like that. When I went back to the states for 2 months, I felt like a tourist and now that I am back in Chile, I feel like I never left and like I never left because I'm doing the same things and seeing the same people...
JJ - Certainly seems like it was all a dream....or nightmare...depending. lol.
Yessica - Thanks. I know I have something under my belt that most people don't, and for that I am grateful. Plus I can now see things from various different views which is a plus.
Sara - Hi Sara. Glad I'm not alone in this. :) I guess it's normal and something I will just have to sort out.
I think what you are experiencing is normal. I remember feeling that way after returning to the USA from living in Germany for 7 years. Odd, freaky kind of other worldly place.
I experience a different yet similar thing when I go back "home" for a visit. I feel like I have seen and done so much and that I am different for these experiences. I think differently about so many things and when I go home, all of my friends are living exactly the same life that they were when I left. Nothing life-changing has happened to them. Most times, I feel like a real outsider and don't have anything to say that doesn't make me sound like a wacko.
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